Saturday 30th June.
Need to stop waking up before 5am. Not really many thoughts wake me up but after lying there for over 15 minutes my mind starts to wonder and pick up bad habits need to work on shifting this somehow.
I have been pretty much ok today especially as Julia is off and the football is back on.
We had a nice shopping trip and lunch at middlebrook, we could see the fires on winter hill and the smoke up in the air was enormous. I hope people respect what the firefighters, army and mountain rescue teams are doing in this heat it must be exhausting. They certainly do have my respect and if i could help them I would volunteer.
Well that first game was well worth the watch some fabulous passes alomg with some fabulous goals let’s hope the next game is the same.
Barney has been bathed and wanting his tea so Julia is on it and I’m chilling at the moment waiting for the next game I must say I feel very relaxed now.
Well what a game so far glad it is backed on which helps me have a later day plan which helps me. Julia has nipped out taking Barney for a walk whilst I watch the rest of football. I still feel relaxed and chilled which is so so nice considering how I felt most of the day yesterday. Remember it’s ok not to be ok as long as you speak to someone. Like yesterday I spoke to my grandad who passed away 4 years ago and i have not been often enough so i visited his grave and I can honestly say it made me feel sad but happy at the same time and today I have felt better so I can only thank my grandad for listening to me. May be weird for people to understand it but I truly feel he is with me along with my grandad Bob helping me theough this and it is something i have not shared to anyone before as I felt it was not “normal” but I don’t care they love me and support me no matter what. If a loved one passed away remember them and they will be with you through anything just close your eyes think back in time and BOOM thwre you go you can only remember certain things but it’s those comments, actions that will help you and guide you like it is doing for me.
It is strange still for me but they really do help me, I feel that it is both of them that come back to me the most as they are the male part of me that struggles which is fine and ok however difficult to talk openly about. Something I will discuss on Thursday with my therapist. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and take care of your loved ones one day they WILL help you.