My Journey through depression. Men’s health. It’s ok not to be ok!

Tuesday 16th May.

In and out of sleep last night so the sleeping pill did not live up to expectation and i feel a little groggy this morning. Not sure if I feel ok or not I’m sort of on the edge of ok. Got plenty to do today and a walk after I have taken Barney to the vets to help me out.

The walk was fantastic, mimd clear the who time, I even did a vlog? I think that is what it is called check them out on Instagram danbuck1985 got some nice feedback but again it’s not just for me it’s for others out there who are suffering, sorry wrong word who are struggling with a hidden illness. I have felt good all day since my walk and especially after the #mentalhealthminute on the radio, each person’s words read true to my journey and the fact it was done by celebs and royalty went along way in my books but at the same time for the Joe blogs of us out there the average person who wants to speak out but can’t as they struggle should be taken into consideration. On my vlog I have said if you want to reach out to me do it, I won’t judge, I won’t be shocked about anything you tell me I have been through it, I have had the darkest thought imaginable but I am here telling the tale living through depression but in a better place.

I have had a relax this afternoon. When I say relax I fell asleep but that is ok. I obviously just needed it, I still feel good after it and I am waiting for Julia to come home to see what she wants to do. Barney is snoring loudly so he is settled also.

So I went for a run, had to do something as my mind was set that I was going to do something and so I ran. No idea really how far or where I just went and it was good, I felt good after it and still do.

Tomorrow I am doing the same walk I did today I enjoyed it that much. Will hope the weather is just as good. But who cares as long as I can get out and do exercise it does not matter.

I will vlog again tomorrow on Instagram something it’s just a spare of the moment situation so I may be fine or I may be struggling it just depends.

Just taken Barney for a walk I’m tired now so hopefully get a good night’s sleep.

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My Journey through depression men’s health it’s ok not to be Ok!

Sunday 13th May.

Last night I slept like a baby so much so woke up at 530am and was not tired. Just excited that we are picking up Barney at 8.45.

Debating on my run today. More than anything where to run to and for how long. Think I will do a short one 2k or 3k and then tomorrow a bigger one. And work it like that so long as I am exercising everyday it does not really matter but it’s a plan in my head and I can then focus on other things.

Back from the vets and Barney loved coming home. A dog is a man’s best friend, he is just so lovely he makes me smile and feel good inside. I may do 4k now as I have motivation.

Well Julia did her first run in like well forever so very proud of her, I set off to do my run unsure as to how far or which direction i was going in so I just ran and did 3.25miles in 40 minutes.

Whilst I was running I thought to myself why am I doing this? For fitness? For weight loss? To destress? No to all I am doing it to be in control of my depression. That’s right control not recover but control. To control my depression means I am in charge of it and it’s not in charge of me, I make the decisions not my depression, I decide I will keep fighting, keep going not my depression holding me back.

Now to enjoy the football with a beer after all it is the last day of the football season.

Well the football was crap but what’s ne, if I don’t watch it it’s awesome but if I do it’s not.

Well today my journey is a good one, I have felt positive picking Barney up, proud that Julia did a run, content with my run and motivated thereafter. So today is a doing day for me.

I have not really needed to talk to anyone today as I am ok. It’s mainly been focused on Barney. It’s a welcomed break. But if I did need to I know I have people out there who would love to have a conversation with me no matter what which I continually feel loved for this.

Remember it’s ok not to be ok as long as you speak to someone.

My Journey through depression. Men’s health. It’s ok not to be ok!

Friday 11th May.

I’m afraid to say once again not a good night’s sleep, I honestly can’t remember the last time I slept through and got at least 6 hours. I hope when I visit the doctors today he can help me with it, I feel this is a stumbling block on my recover and once I can crack this I can move forward.

Legs are sore today so I have to miss a run today but I know it’s ok and I feel ok about it. I will however do something else, not sure yet but I will see what I can come up with later on.

Well an impromptu walk took me 7km and felt good about it. Enjoyed the sunshone and talking to the lollipop lady for 10 mins about depression (not sure how we got into my journey but we did) and it was nice to share with a stranger.

Received an email about our mortgage and it was not what I though and it has turned my head to mush, something i simple now can’t cope with, don’t know what to do, where to go. Feel like turning my phone off and curling up in a dark place. I am trying to go to my “safe place” but I am struggling with it at the moment I clearly need more support from the therapist on this. My current emotions now are confused, annoyed, sad, anxiety sky high, lost.

Took till 14.15pm to get rid of all them thoughts and I did use my safe place but had to concentrate really hard which was not easy and now I feel ok just like I did this morning so that is a positive, on the flip side though I am now waiting to see the doctor for a general catch up so anxiety is present but I am sort of in control of it I just need to keep positive.

Good news doctor has given me some sleeping tablets on a temporary basis so hopefully they will work and I will be better and better as each day goes.

The wife and I are going to the town for a few drinks and a meal this is the first time since I was signed off work.

We will be having a chat about today’s events and I will be ok.

Enjoy your Friday where ever you are in the world and remember it’s ok not to be ok as long as you talk to someone.