Friday 29th June
Up early again but slept ok ish, not done alot at all today but I don’t really care, my anxiety is sky high and I feel lower and lower as the afternoon has gone on.
Picked myself up and went to visit my grandad gave today spent a bit of time there chatting to him about everything that has been going on and asked him for a little help to keep me going, to be stronger and find my way through this and back in work earning money and having a fun time with my family.
Got home and went to the pub for a Friday night drink started feeling alot better after my visit and seeing julia.
So I feel very relaxed now no down feelings or anxiety think I just needed that chat at the grave and Julia to be home, going for a walk with Barney now it has cooled down and then it’s tablets and chill before bed. My god I have missed the football today sad for some people but not me. Looking forward to tomorrow spending time with Julia, Barney and then football.
Thursday 28th June
Better nights sleep with a few minor changes to our sleeping pattern which was good for all of us, not feeling anything apart from a slow build up of excitement for the England game later. This is good news as I have been much better in the morning after changing the time I take my anti depressants.
Well I have spent the afternoon at my grans painting the fences and boy did the fences beat me I was covered in paint. But a good deed done however half way through I started to remember grandad ‘s comments and his banter which made me sad but smile aswell. Love him loads and loads just like grandma. I will never ever him and always help my grandma for anything.
Finished the fences and said I will call back Tuesday to do the others so all is good and I did not get burnt at all, went to my dad’s and took him for a pint which is very rarely but s good to have a chat and relax before coming home to the missus and Barney.
Now watching England and its.not as good as the other two games but who cares I would prefer we lose this one and have an easier way to win the world cup what a great manager if it happens.
Still thinking of my grandad and think I will visit his grave tomorrow where he sleeps so well, I will take Barney who can meet him and help me on the visit. Such a lovely man I hope people think I am like him and my dad.
Now watching good evening Britain after the football, hope all is well with everyone and if not message me please. Take care and remember it’s ok not to be ok!
Wednesday 27th June
Well a terrible nights sleep but I suspect everyone did as it was so warm. Barney could not relax nor me and Julia but I still did what I needed to well apart from being up before 5am.
I went on a 10mile hike in the heat and boy could I feel it, I was hot, knackered and started to feel a bit unwell so I did only do 10 miles but I planned on doing 15. But best keep safe rather than cause further issues with myself.
Felt ok when I got home and it was an achievement so I was proud of it, then I showered and sorted Barney out before going to give blood which I try to do as much as possible as you never know who may need it and I always think to myself when I do it someone out there will be worse off than you so why not try to help in anyway you can so I did it.
Got home and watched the football well Korea beat German made me feel even better, whilst I have nothing against Germans I do when it comes to football and too many memories of them beating us on penalties so needless to say each time Korea scored I jumped up and down and Barney ran I side to see what was going on lol.
Been to the mother in laws with Julia and Barney and sorted out the flowers and now home sorting tea which I put in the slow cooker earlier today. Oh and I washed up feel like I have achieved loads today which is awesome.
Watching Brazil now with an ice cold beer csnt beat it! Let’s see what tomorrow brings. Remember it’s ok not to be ok!!!!!!
Tuesday 26th June.
I have been extremely tired today well this morning at least must be all the heat and grafting I did well at least I did manage to get some well earned sleep,
Decided to go on a walk instead of a run as it’s very warm and managed to even find a field and did some HITT exercises but not too many as I said it is extremely hot. Watered the mother in laws plants and then came home and soaked myself with the hose pipe then sat in the sun till I dried off. I feel very relaxed today head a bit unsure but mainly relaxed which I am accepting and letting it flow.
Watching France v Denmark and oh good Lord I do not believe it what a boring shocking game i even fell asleep oops…..
Had a little dip as the evening approached and no idea why or where it came from but it did but me julia and Barney went for a little walk and I feel better, watched most of both matches tonight and I must say I am gutted for Nigeria.
Doing a big walk tomorrow let’s see how I get on, will have plenty of water and suncream for sure. Take care in the heat people.
Monday 25th June
Whilst I am feeling alot better and finally feel like myself please don’t forget I have many many moments each day where I nearly take steps backwards rather than forwards and I am just so lucky to have an amazing family around me to support me no matter what and with out any hesitation.
So I did my first day volunteering today for the green grass community centre and I really did enjoy it, and whilst my work head nearly kicked in to lead people I managed to hold back and just do the gardening and basically got on with it and I have already made a big difference. I have come such a long way from my breakdown in January I just can’t believe the journey I have been through and am still going through I just hope people who read this know you can get better you just have to not give up and take your time.
Watched both Spain and Portugal football but mainly Portugal due to the incidents that kept occurring. Feel good and relaxed still and now sat on the field with Julia and Barney playing fetch.
Back home and relaxing but boy it’s a warm one in our house.
Tomorrow is a chill day where I will soak up some rays to get my vitamin D up and then may go to the cinema to cool down ha ha.
Well Mondays don’t always have to be bad as long as you love what you do now it’s time for me to work out what it is exactly what I want.
Sunday 24th June.
Up nice and early and went for a run but my calf was sore again. But I feel ok and I’m nice and relaxed today.
Took Barney for a walk through pennington flash and to my mum and dad’s just in time for lunch and the football.
Well I had a lovely afternoon with my mum and dad and Barney and what a good game that was, started to feel Anxiety but that is normal for tomorrow’s vortuinetly but at least I will make my issues go and do what I want and move on. Just hope I am ok tomorrow and I will be good onwards.
Had tea and a relax with chasing Barney at my father an laws garden and now home relaxing again but no anxiety and usually on a Sunday I would literally feel like crap but I finally don’t which is amazing I just hope I sleep well and enjoy tomorrow
Saturday 23rd June.
Well I can’t believe it I have forgot to write my blog all day been busy busy bee and not even had any issues with my mental health it’s amazing! Even though I was up at 530 and awake around 5am.
Like I said busy day with the wife shopping, watching football and walking Barney. I am making tea tonight before the next game but I can safely say I am in a hood place today and really really looking forward to watching England tomorrow with my mum and dad.
I have been looking at what I can do for work in the future and I think I know what I want but don’t know how to get there. So Julia is happy to help me in the summer break so we can work on it. Either a part time job and college or a job that I want. Let’s wait and see. But I must say I can see my light through the black dark tunnel even more than ever right now so let’s hope it continues and I get what I want and move on from this horrible illness.