Wednesday 4th July.
Woke up feeling ok and basically I have planned to do absolutely nothing today but let’s see what happens.
Well I had a relaxing morning and now having lunch and going out for a bit to the parents for a brew and to the shop. Got home and Barney was chilling out so I watched a shocking movie, the rating was half a star but that was being generous.
Had tea and nipped out then took Barney for a walk whilst it cooled down. Although now I feel super hot and a little anxious as my therapy is back on tomorrow and I know it helps me but as I’ve not been in a few weeks it’s just getting to me a bit today.
I have also realised I have been short tempered today for which I am sorry about as I have literally only just realised when I have thought back over the last few hours.
Tuesday 3rd July
Not a bad nights sleep must be because I had planned a very busy day today so must have needed it, got up to a bacon butty aswell can’t be bad can it.
Painted the other fences for my gran and yes I got covered in paint again but the finish 0on the panels looks good. Left Barney at my mum’s to play and the at Rebecca’s she I went shopping for some flowers and beer. Bet you can’t guess who for lol, I was pleased with my shop aswell as I was not confused in anyway like I have been too many times.
Just had an ok afternoon and helped Julia with some work and now watching the preview of football and by God I feel nervous give me a goal early on so I can relax.
Well they did not help me but I am so so glad they won the penalties and I can try to relax now bring on Sweden and let’s win without penalties. My heart is racing can’t believe it I will take Barney for a walk to calm down.
Monday 2nd July
Good night’s sleep however up with anxiety for doing my volunteering, I know when I get there all will be fine and I will relax but I just have a slow gradual build up of anxiety which I need to accept and not fear.
Got there and it was fine straight away my anxiety disappeared and I got on with the tasks required. It was extremely hot but we’ll worth it and now I am home ready to watch football in the shade.
Did the rest of the washing up and made dinner for the next few days, played with Barney and BOOM football is back on. Doesn’t time fly.
I have also applied for a job today, I am not sharing what it is or if I get an interview etc as I want to focus on me and me along to see if I can get it just wish me luck on getting an interview as it is totally different from my entire working life.
The photo I am using today is from the community centre where I help out growing the veg and flowers. Just though I would use it to show a little of what good people achieve to help the local community.
Shame Japan lost but that’s football for you, managed to take Barney on a mini walk not just for him but for me also as I have felt a little short tempered tonight but I’m fine now enjoying an ice cream in the garden whilst julia watches her soaps.
I am looking forward to tomorrow for two reasons the first helping my gran and the second watching England with a few ice cold beers.
Sunday 1st July.
Up early again but managed to sleep the whole night, feel a bit unsure this morning and not sure why as I don’t really have any plans today.
Was ok most of the morning and we planned on a visit to the runway visitor centre at manchester airport, I still can manage to drive around that side of manchester as I continue to feel anxious as soon as we get anywhere near my old work area. I know eventually I will overcome this if I need to but at the moment I have absolutely no reason to drive on the m60 or m56.
There was an event on today so we decided to use our national trust cards and go to quarry bank mill which I have not been to since I was very young so was lovely to remember the different parts of it and we even went to Styal village and a walk through the woods which was lovely then an ice cream before we headed home to be greeted by Barney.
Kept busy when we got back sorted out Barney little pool which Julia ended up in and I then prepared the veg for tea. Had a snooze before the football and then enjoyed that whilst sorting out the roast chicken.
Had a relaxing evening tonight but I am starting to feel anxious about tomorrow, i know I am only volunteering but it is part of my learning to cope with returning to work which I can now say I do have plans for when I want to return to some form of work but not exactly what I may want.
Took Barney for a walk it helped me a little but not fully, I will be ok it’s just me accepting my ways till I’m fully ready for work again.
Saturday 30th June.
Need to stop waking up before 5am. Not really many thoughts wake me up but after lying there for over 15 minutes my mind starts to wonder and pick up bad habits need to work on shifting this somehow.
I have been pretty much ok today especially as Julia is off and the football is back on.
We had a nice shopping trip and lunch at middlebrook, we could see the fires on winter hill and the smoke up in the air was enormous. I hope people respect what the firefighters, army and mountain rescue teams are doing in this heat it must be exhausting. They certainly do have my respect and if i could help them I would volunteer.
Well that first game was well worth the watch some fabulous passes alomg with some fabulous goals let’s hope the next game is the same.
Barney has been bathed and wanting his tea so Julia is on it and I’m chilling at the moment waiting for the next game I must say I feel very relaxed now.
Well what a game so far glad it is backed on which helps me have a later day plan which helps me. Julia has nipped out taking Barney for a walk whilst I watch the rest of football. I still feel relaxed and chilled which is so so nice considering how I felt most of the day yesterday. Remember it’s ok not to be ok as long as you speak to someone. Like yesterday I spoke to my grandad who passed away 4 years ago and i have not been often enough so i visited his grave and I can honestly say it made me feel sad but happy at the same time and today I have felt better so I can only thank my grandad for listening to me. May be weird for people to understand it but I truly feel he is with me along with my grandad Bob helping me theough this and it is something i have not shared to anyone before as I felt it was not “normal” but I don’t care they love me and support me no matter what. If a loved one passed away remember them and they will be with you through anything just close your eyes think back in time and BOOM thwre you go you can only remember certain things but it’s those comments, actions that will help you and guide you like it is doing for me.
It is strange still for me but they really do help me, I feel that it is both of them that come back to me the most as they are the male part of me that struggles which is fine and ok however difficult to talk openly about. Something I will discuss on Thursday with my therapist. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and take care of your loved ones one day they WILL help you.